Autopsy of a Mind

Chapter 120: Welcome Home

Sebastian smiled. "Well, at the risk of sounding mad, I will say I want exactly what they write in the romance books. At the same time, I want the exact opposite."

I threw my head back and laughed. "Why would that sound mad? Most of my thought process ends up that way. Perhaps you should add some nuance to that assertion?"

"When I first started liking you, I thought I knew both of us, and I wanted you. I wanted you to accept me, or rather, I wanted my idea of you to accept my idea of myself. Since that time, I have learned neither of us knew the other at all, and at the time, I didn't even know myself. Now..." 

He seemed to run out of words. How odd for Sebastian. I had to say, I didn't quite understand what he meant, though. I squeezed his hand encouragingly nonetheless. 

"What I mean to say is, those novels I tried to read to show my affection taught me that rarely do people think about the other person. We are holed up in our own perspective and make the world look as we wish to see it through our tinted glasses. When I first started to feel my heart turn towards you, I wanted to keep you by my side and I was aggressive and obnoxious. I thought you would stay by me because you needed me and I was this grand figure. But in reality, once I got to know you a little better, and in turn myself, I felt the onslaught of emotions and changes I didn't know possible." I waited for him to finish. "In conclusion, I wish for us to spend a lifetime learning about each other, growing, learning some more, and growing some more... so we can both die just a little less ignorant.

I stared at him in shock. "Bravo!" I exclaimed. "I never thought you would think yourself ignorant. Or I, for that matter. Well, I can applaud the idea of reducing the world's ignorance. Since the two of us are quite likely to continue upsetting the total level of hubris in the wrong way, I suppose we must compensate by reducing ignorance."

We laughed louder than we had ever before. It seemed that we, the newly formed couple were just right. We sat there, staring at one another for a moment. 

I finally said. "Just this once, Sebastian, I suppose we should speak our hearts and minds plainly, and in English." 

He rolled his eyes. "I suppose it would be a useful experiment just to see what happens." And then he paused. "Were we not speaking in English all these months?" he teased. 

"Not in the layman's sense. We've been entangled in our intellectual superiority and forgotten that simple words can make so much more sense." Distressing over the right words and the right actions... It could get tiring. So, why not live like a normal human for a few moments? Just for clarity, that is.

"I can say without fear of error or contradiction that I like you. I respect you. I wish to spend my time in your company. I wish to have you..." and I stopped in admiration. I had never imagined I would say such words. "as a father of any future children I may mother. And based on your definition, I almost certainly love you. I also..." 

He squeezed my hand and I continued. 

"I also suspect that, based on what I have read... from those books, a kiss or two might resolve the ambiguity of whether I feel for you the way a woman in love should." I smiled sheepishly and moved my head as closely as I could judge. exactly forty percent of the distance that was presently separating him from me.

He smiled. "I have no qualms saying I love you with all my heart and wisdom, and I am confident that you will love me with the same intensity in time. While it is too quick and you caught me by surprise, it would be my honor to be the father of your children and I wish to spend the rest of my life showing you that."

He moved his head close, the distance between us closing up until we were nearly touching. We looked at each other for a moment and then by mutual agreement, closed the final few inches until our lips were gently touching.

I had no idea what to expect. I had been taken by curiosity up until this moment and never really thought about what it would be like to kiss a man whom you acknowledged to like with all your being. Others had hinted at everything from a bit of revulsion at the close contact to lightning falling from the sky to strike my head. The reality was neither of these. I was not in the least bit appalled by the touch. But the lightning strike from our passionate kisses earlier was not there, as well. It was awkward at first but after a moment or two of fumbling around, I found the experience to be much closer to the lightning than I had previously anticipated. 

At one moment, I thought that my heart might beat out of my chest, and in the next moment, I thought I might close my eyes and take a nap in perfect contentment.

We were inseparable for some minutes, reveling in the contact, and trying to come to a place where the absolute pleasure was all that was left, with the fear and awkwardness at least partially behind us. We eventually achieved that and sometime after, Sebastian picked me up and set me down on his lap so that I could wrap my arms around his shoulder. 

At long last, we released the kiss and I moved my arms down from the top of his shoulders to tuck them against her chest so she could snuggle in. I had to admit, this feeling of comfort was something I had not expected. Novels talked of strong raging emotions, both good and bad, euphoria, excitement, and impatience. Never once had I read about one talking about comfort and rightness.

"It feels like I am sitting at home, near a fire in the most comfortable spot with a good book on my lap," she confessed. 

Sebastian chuckled. "Well... it is your apartment." I glared at him. "Welcome home, my love. Welcome home."

I cradled his cheek and pressed a kiss on his lips. "Welcome home, Sebastian."

- - -

"Did you find anything?" Sebastian asked. He was going through his pile of profiles and looked like he had a splitting headache. 

"Nothing," I said softly. "I looked through all the contact information and even checked for their social media profiles with the information I got, none of them seem to fit the bill." I scrubbed my face. 

"I love how this psychotic bastard is ruining our night." Sebastian groaned. "I already ordered food, so it should come in a short while. How are you finding the social media accounts, though?" he asked, peering at my laptop. 

I turned the screen towards him. "This is Grace's social media account. She posts photographs of her 'parties' and food. She often tags the men in the posts because most of her clients are return customers." 

Sebastian looked at everything critically. 

"I am very sure that this guy wouldn't let Grace take pictures of him but go ahead and look through the comments as well to see anyone who recurs in commenting." He thought about it for a moment. "The man should be charismatic and look rather warm and naturally disposed to help people but he blends in really well."

"An unassuming face, you mean?" I asked. Sebastian nodded. 

"He might not very handsome, but he has an inherent charm that is only felt when he converses with you." I closed my eye. My head was starting to hurt as well. 

"I have a feeling that we will not find him," I admitted. 

Sebastian nodded. "I think I underestimated this guy a little. He let out the secret of his presence so easily that I thought he was slightly easier to catch, but it is indeed a declaration."

"He is signaling that the game is beginning." I didn't want to know what game it was going to be. "I'll look through everything once again." I had to find him. 

In the past month and a half, Sebastian had solved more cold cases than was expected. Multiple murders, trafficking rings, and whatnot.

"If this man is keeping a close watch on us," I began. "And he knows criminal procedure or has researched on it, what should be our approach to find him?" We couldn't sit around and wait for him to finally kill someone, right?

"I can't tell you to be careful of everyone you are around. I don't want you to fall back into that dark hole. The apartment is a safe space because the security wouldn't allow anyone inside without explicit word from either of us." I nodded. 

"What about the station?" I asked. "Do you think it is someone from there?" Sebastian shook his head. 

"It is not someone who actively takes part in cases. He likes to watch from a distance and leads a life of leisure. I can imagine that he doesn't hold a corporate job that demands he work fixed hours and he probably makes a good amount of money from what he does."

"You're painting the picture of a typical psychopath," I groaned. "They are roaming around in the room in the hundreds."

Sebastian snorted. His warm hand patted my head as he calmed me down. "We have time. Don't fret."