Escaping the Mystery Hotel

User: Han Kain (Wisdom)

Date: Day 94

Current Location: Miro’s Hell

Sage’s Advice: 3

- Han Kain

A few hours ago, we thoroughly analyzed Santa’s behavior patterns to make a plan to deal with him.

What is the logic behind Santa’s actions?

At the very least, he wasn’t just a simple monster who mindlessly slaughtered everyone in his sight.

We managed to identify a few patterns.

For instance, Santa didn’t act until it was officially Christmas, and he had to sing a relevant carol before he could conjure any supernatural phenomenon. However, more important than these patterns was the underlying principle behind his actions.

The answer lay in the repeated phrases he uttered and the words written on the metal plate we found among the remnants of the ritual.

‘A reward for a good boy and a punishment for a bad boy.’

Santa seemed to give presents to good children and punished the bad ones.

Once we figured that out, the first step of our plan was in place: we would complete Santa’s job before he even had a chance to!

Sure enough, Santa began to show a fury unlike anything we’d seen from him before.

“What a ridiculous bunch you are! Do you think Santa’s job is just to hand out presents to all the children? You’re mistaken! Only ‘good children’ are deserving of presents! Have all of these children received gifts? This alone proves that you understand nothing of Santa!”

Santa’s first argument was that only good children deserve presents.

As we had anticipated this logic, I stood up and approached Santa.

“Santa, you remember me, right? We met earlier.”

“Of course, I remember. You’re Kain, aren’t you? You’ve come just in time. I have your gift ready—”

“Santa, I remember what you told me earlier: ‘There’s no such thing as a completely good person. Everyone makes mistakes and gets dirty. What matters is reflection and repentance.’ Isn’t that right?”

“…That’s true.”

“I’ve thought deeply about your words, Santa! What’s important is reflection, right? You said it yourself, didn’t you? That’s what matters most, isn’t it?”

“…”

“Everyone, it’s time for the Apology Reading!”

“…”

There was a moment of silence.

The kids looked at me in confusion, their faces asking, “What are you doing?”

Meanwhile, Santa’s expression grew increasingly ominously.

“Hoho. Unlike you, Kain, it seems the other children haven’t properly repented, have they?”

Is this plan falling apart because the kids aren’t reading their apologies? No way, not like this—

Suddenly, the girl with bunny-like eyes jumped up.

“I apologize! I’m Miro!”

“…And?”

“Yesterday, I threw away all my broccoli at lunch. Also, during dinner, I ate Ahri’s ham

Kim Ahri: So that’s why my ham was gone?

Han Kain: Did she forget what she wrote in her apology letter? Is she dumb?

Kim Ahri: Don’t insult Miro!

“And, uh… during math class earlier, I didn’t study and had a snowball fight instead. But that’s not really a big deal! The teacher joined in too. And I put ice in the snowball I threw at Kain, but he laughed, so it’s okay, right? Uh… is that good enough?”

While Santa was momentarily speechless, Miro quickly kicked the boy next to her.

“Hey! Thomas!”

“Huh? Huh?”

“Apologize! Hurry up and apologize!”

Santa muttered, sounding a bit tired, “Dear child… You shouldn’t kick your friends.”

“Then I’ll apologize for that too. Now, hurry and apologize!”

Unlike a transfer student like me, Miro commanded the children like a queen ruling over her subjects.

Thomas quickly stood up.

“I-I apologize! I, Thomas, hid my history test score from my dad last month.”

“…”

“And… and… Oh! I also hid my science test score. Haha! You know, the number ‘3’ is easy to change to an ‘8’. I turned 35 into 85—”

“…”

“I smeared bird poop on Ms. Julia’s car last week.”

“…”

“I got into a fight with Steve. But Steve started it.”

“What did you say, punk?”

“You doodled on my book first!”

“You broke my pen!”

“Both of you shut the fuck up! Joshua, apologize before I pull out your hair!”

“Dear child… You shouldn’t swear at your friends either.”

“I’ll apologize for that too.”

And so it went.

Santa, watching this ridiculous scene unfold, seemed to be getting increasingly flustered.

His face turned beet red with anger as he glared at Grandpa Mooksung.

“You! You’re trying to ruin Christmas! Who gave nobody like you the right to impersonate Santa?”

Santa’s second argument: “Do you have the right to call yourself Santa?”

“Impersonate? Laughable coming from you. Do you have a Santa certification? Did you pass some kind of Santa exam?”

“Exam? What madness are you talking about? Becoming Santa doesn’t require certifications or exams! All that matters is a boundless love for children!”

“Love? I’m surprised you can even say ‘love for children’ with that mouth of yours! Hey, I love the kids here too! I’m their teacher, after all, so obviously, I care for them more than you do! Do you even know the origin of Santa Claus?”

“O-origin?”

“Hah! This guy’s clueless. The origin of Santa Claus comes from Saint Nicholas, a Christian bishop. Have you even read the Bible?”

As Santa faltered, Grandpa proudly announced, “For the record, I’m a former cardinal.”

Wait… is he bringing up his time as a cardinal from the Mansion of Fear?

Incredibly, it worked!

Santa, who had been teetering, suddenly seemed to lose his footing.

He struggled to find a rebuttal but quickly started speaking again, “Santa isn’t just someone you can imitate by wearing a costume! What were you doing last year and the year before that? Did you ever spend Christmas bringing joy to children?”

Santa’s third argument: “Have you ever done Santa’s job before?”

“Oh, so now you want to talk about experience? Good timing. I’ll be a rookie Santa from this year onward, so why don’t you, who’s done this for so long, step aside and let the new generation take over?”

“What are you talking about? Why should I step aside?”

“Hey, if the experienced folks keep hogging everything, where are the rookies supposed to gain experience? If you’ve been Santa for so long, it’s time to make way for the newcomers!”

…I feel like I’m losing my mind.

As the two Santas continued their battle over who was the real Santa, the kids on the first floor were standing with their mouths wide open, unable to say a word.

Even I, who was just listening, felt like I was losing my grip on reality.

It was chaos, but somehow it felt like Grandpa was winning. Santa, too, must have felt the same, as his face twisted in frustration. Suddenly, he started singing a carol!

<Jingle bells, jingle bells

Jingle all the way.

Oh! What fun it is to rideNôv(el)B\\jnn

In a one-horse open sleigh.>

Perhaps because he hadn’t yet sorted the good children from the bad, no one was immediately killed.

But there was definitely magic in the air.

As soon as the carol began, a snowstorm swirled around the first floor, and reindeer appeared out of nowhere!

Is this turning into a… carol battle?

Santa’s fourth argument: “Can you even sing a proper carol?”

Grandpa, momentarily taken aback, started singing a carol himself, “Dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh, O’er the hills we go, laughing all the way!”

Han Kain: Grandpa can sing really well!

Kim Ahri: Now’s not the time to compliment his singing! He’s losing in terms of momentum!

It was obvious.

Even though Grandpa was singing well, he was no match for Santa’s magical carol that summoned snowstorms and reindeer.

The situation started to feel like we were being overwhelmed!

Santa, now full of confidence, opened his mouth again, “That’s all you’ve got? Someone who can’t even sing a proper carol dares to impersonate Santa?”

What do we do now?

This whole situation has been such a mess that I don’t even know how to respond anymore!

Suddenly, Miro jumped up and shouted, “Everyone! Sing along!”

“Huh? What?”

“M-Miro?”

“Sing along! Dashing through the snow!”

What is she—

Kim Ahri: You sing too!

“Dashing through the snow on a one-horse open sleigh!”

In the chaos, I, along with the other kids, followed Miro’s lead and began singing along.

For some reason, this seemed to shift the momentum back to our side.

Grandpa chuckled, “Ha. Look at this, ‘Senior’. You’ve been bragging about your experience, but do you even understand the essence of carols?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Is the true essence of carols about summoning snow and reindeer? Who was it that just spoke of Santa’s boundless love for children?”

“…”

“Look around! All the children are singing along with me! This is what a true carol is about!”

“Bells on bobtails ring, making spirits bright! What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight!”

““Bells on bobtails ring, making spirits bright! What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight!””

Santa, unable to respond, began trembling violently.

Is this it? Are we finally winning?

Just when it seemed like victory was within reach, Santa pulled out his trump card.

- Grunt, huff!

The carnivorous reindeer, which had been as confused as we were, approached the demonic Santa and gently nuzzled him as if offering comfort.

In this strangely peaceful scene of reindeer comforting an “old man”, Santa’s mouth once again split open vertically.

“Very well. You’ve got some impressive credentials—a teacher and even a cardinal, you say? I’ll acknowledge that much at the very least. And you can sing carols too. But…”

Grandpa’s face hardened, anticipating what was coming next.

“Where’s your Rudolph? Don’t tell me you’re claiming to be Santa without even having a reindeer sleigh?”

The atmosphere in the school immediately turned ice-cold.